Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

New COVID-19 variant detected in Washington state. Here’s what to know - The Seattle Times

I was tired of fighting.

I had run out of hope.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Costco opens a whole new kind of store - TheStreet

It’s here now, writing to you.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Is it very wrong to want to spend some time with husband after continuous work for 5 days in a weekend because my husband thinks if we go out every weekend what night my parents and other family members think?

It’s still here.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

The sadness was still there.

Craig Breslow Discusses Red Sox’ Struggles, Future Plans - MLB Trade Rumors

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Nostalgic Tunes Trigger Stronger Urge to Dance Than Familiar Hits - Neuroscience News

I was tired of trying and failing.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Rory defends snubbing media, cites 'weird week' - ESPN

You are like me, then.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Be who you already are.

Is there a future where LA's wildfire seasons no longer exist?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Fred Espenak, astronomy's 'Mr. Eclipse', dies at 71 - Space

And the sadness?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Is "Cancel Culture" a Threat to Free Speech? Many argue that cancel culture has gone too far, leading to the silencing of unpopular opinions or voices. But is it really a violation of free speech or a consequence of people holding others accountable?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.